Losing Control

This morning, I had a doctors appointment for which I received 2 little pills ahead of time that were meant to relax me…and they did. While lying there and feeling the effects wash over me, I closed my eyes and entered a state of complete contentment. My concern over the procedure was erased, my mind was clear of cluttered thoughts, and I was truly peaceful with someone else having control. It was liberating to turn over the reigns of control to someone more equipped and qualified than myself. It was the kind of feeling you want to box up and take home with you. ..I guess that’s why people become addicted to prescription meds.

Anyway, the feeling was particularly interesting because I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday afternoon. I actually learned why I tend to be controlling and, more importantly, that being in control is actually not part of who I was meant to be. I’m encouraged!!   Today, I feel empowered with this knowledge. It’s frustrating to know you ARE a certain way but have no idea WHY…well, now I’m beginning to understand. This isn’t how God built me and it’s insanely exciting to know that change is possible.

While lying reclined in this state of bliss, it crossed my mind that there have been countless moments in my time spent with Christ (whether in church or in private prayer time) that I have felt this calm surrender. Inevitably, I am drawn back into the discord and chaos of  the world until the tranquility becomes distant again. We all fall into that trap in differing ways, I think.

I’m not naive. I know that I can’t attain a state of euphoric submission 24/7 ~ life still happens. But to understand why it’s so hard for me to relinquish control was enlightening and there is freedom in comprehension. Why did I wait so long to search for the answers? It’s so much easier to give control to God. Not partial control; but wholly. Fully.

Taking a good, hard look on how I can come close to living in calm and balance. The promise of that happening is within my grasp and I’m reaching and stretching to grab hold.  I can box that feeling and bring it home just by letting go and letting God. It’s not a theory I  stand by…it is His promise to me. And to you.

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