I’m really sad this morning..almost disillusioned.
When I was a teenager, I couldn’t wait to reach my twenties. Somehow I thought I’d feel more grown up and responsible. In fact, it did kind of work that way. I was a pretty darn responsible girl at 20 ~ married, working as a very grown up underwriter and setting up house independently. Responsible but immature.
I wanted to reach my 30’s so other people would take me seriously. I remember feeling that people in their 20’s weren’t taken very seriously (rightfully so, I think….there’s an enormity of things learned during that decade). My 30’s did bring more responsibility and more stress and more security and more of just about everything.
But when I turned 40, I had arrived (or so I thought). I wasn’t one of those women who cried for days and refused to accept that the inevitable birthday had arrived. I had convinced myself that the worst was behind me (I was wrong) and that I had reached a point in my life where smooth waters lie ahead. I looked around and thought my friends of the same age were also at this point and we could all enjoy the fruits of our labor from the previous 2 decades. It hasn’t panned out that way for many…too many.
As I mentioned in my previous post, marriages are on the skids and friendships are being lost and kids are moving away from home and parents are…well, my parents are something else entirely. Different post. 🙂
I have a huge flaw in my personality of taking on the issues of people I care about. When you locate the term for that according to psychology and psychiatry, please keep it to yourself. One thing I do not need is yet another label. I’m labeled out, friends. Anyway, I recognize this flaw and am getting better about what my accountability is and isn’t. If I’m invited, I try to hear the issue, be neutral and careful with my words and promise to pray because, in reality, that’s usually all I can do outside of listening.
But what’s going on with those of us in our 40’s? I feel like a lot of people are making the same decisions they made 20 years ago and then again 10 years ago….only now, the 40 year olds think they’re justified and even deserving of their choices. They don’t even make excuses anymore ~ instead, they are resigned and defiant.
Ugh. Makes me sad. Good people making poor decisions. Letting life slip between their fingers. Jam packing their lives with so much garbage that the real beauty of every day has no room to squeeze in. Giving all of their attention to addictions of various sources (career, hobbies, alcohol, infidelities, etc.) while loved ones stand by in a state of helplessness and eventual anger.
Come on, adults, let’s grow up now. FIND someone or something to be accountable to, simplify the mess in your lives and prioritize. Do you want your children to have a good role model? Be one. Do you want your marriage to be solid? Be committed to that cause. Do you want to wake up clear headed? Go to bed clear headed. Do you want to make good decisions? Start with just one decision today to be better…not just the promise you mouth to get you out of a sticky situation, either. Make that decision in your heart because although I will continue to pray for you, I can’t do anything else for you.
And so I’m really sad.