My obedience to God has taken a bit of a toll on me. As a Christian, we know this walk is not easy. We know that things happen in His time and not our own and we know that continued faith will give us strength to find our way to the other side of a difficult situation.
Even so, we are flesh and our flesh can grow tired while waiting for healing, discernment, or an end to volatility, unrest or disharmony.
I am not alone, I know, when my mind begins to unravel and the white flag of surrender is poised in my hand. It is in those moments when I convince myself that my faith about certain situations improving or my faith in God to move mountains, begins to falter and the urge to be resentful about being obedient seems so easy.
It is in those moments where our head convinces us to rebel. It is in those moments, the hardest moments, when we have to remain on the path. That’s not easily done for an immature Christian; when the lessons of obedience haven’t yet resonated. It isn’t always easy for those of us considered mature Christians, either.
Sometimes we wonder why we have to see pain around us and in our homes; why lessons have to be repeated, why hearts remain set in pride, and why people hurt other people. I am right in the middle of that feeling. I am smack dab in the middle of asking God why He just doesn’t heal my wounds, exposed and raw for years now, and just grant me some peace. I am right in the middle of crying out that I don’t deserve this unrest in my heart and that I have earned respect that I’m not receiving.
I feel like jumping off the train of obedience and just admitting I’m tired. My soul is tired. My heart is tired. It’s what I feel like, though, and I just want to be honest here. There is no shame in being worn out but there are great blessings, I believe, in staying on the right path despite how we feel.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
If you’re tired of a battle, know that I’m praying for you today. I’m praying for your obedience and for God to lead us both on the right path. I’m praying for renewed strength to stand firm in whatever battle is placed before me. I’m praying for you, too.