A thought has been rolling around in my head that I haven’t wanted to acknowledge. Instead, every time the thought comes too close to the surface, I’ve squashed it, managing to delay really having to come face to face with it until now.
Did I misunderstand what I thought God asked me to do?
Instead of really being spiritually led in that decision I made, was I really relying on my own voice?
This is a difficult thing to decipher and one I can’t really discuss with anyone because, after all, only God and I were there. The reality is that if the decision had resulted in a “favorable” outcome within MY timeline, the doubts wouldn’t have gained entrance to my head. I would, instead, be happily going through my days, comforted by the direction God had chosen for me. I would be thankful; grateful for the path He laid out.
Today, however, I’m full of doubt. If God truly directed this path, why am I standing here in the midst of the same struggle? Well….it’s not an uncommon quandary we Christians face. If we aren’t careful during this delicate time of doubt and questioning, our faith can be shaken. Given that, I’ve decided to study the word where my faith will be strengthened and not give in to the relentless thoughts that maybe I threw away the roadmap and now I’m 400 miles down the wrong highway. The thought of having to turn around and retrace the 400 miles just to get back to where I was before the decision is overwhelming…And, besides, in the deepest part of my heart I know that God has directed my path here. I don’t even pretend to know why but I do know He has.
If you are where I am, or ever have been, this probably strikes a chord. Doubt and fear can be relentless if we give in to the stronghold. SO…let’s not. Let’s stand firm in the knowledge that we are here for a purpose. There is something to be learned or, maybe, the situation will have a breakthrough and we will know that only God could be responsible. It will be a testimony to His saving grace. Maybe our situation will worsen, even, and the clouds won’t part for longer than we think we can even endure. Knowing this, how can I rely on my own limited and shallow strength to sustain me?
Do not let this happy trust in the Lord die away, no matter what happens. Remember your reward! You need to keep on patiently doing God’s will if you want Him to do for you all that He has promised. His coming will not be delayed much longer. And those whose faith has made them good in God’s sight must live by faith, trusting Him in everything. Otherwise, if they shrink back, God will have no pleasure in them.
Trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.
Such a man will not be overthrown by evil circumstances. God’s constant care of him will make a deep impression on all who see it. He does not fear bad news, nor live in dread of what may happen. For he is settled in his mind that Jehovah will take care of him. That is why he is not afraid, but can calmly face his foes.
And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans.
Habakkuk 2:1, 3
I will climb my watchtower now, and wait to see what answer God will give to my complaint.
But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!