The Bad Break-Up

When I stop to really think about it, it’s somewhat ironic that churches and the importance of selecting the right one is taking up massive amounts of space in my brain and is a topic that my husband and I speak of frequently. I’m relatively sure we went years without visiting one or even discussing religion in even the most general of terms.
Then, I wanted more. The Roman Catholic Church welcomed me with open arms in 1992 and we happily attended weekly. Happily? Hmmm….we did so with obligatory hearts. I wanted to be there but I left the homily behind every Sunday without ever feeling like God knew me. I confessed my sins to the Priest and the magic wand of forgiveness was applied to me, along with a few Hail Mary’s and I literally walked out of the church wondering how it is that the recitation of verses erased some pretty bad sin in my life. What I didn’t know, of course, is that my sins were forgiven once I admitted them to GOD. The Hail Mary was just thrown in for good measure.   My Catholic friends, this is a blog about the church that’s right for me. Please forgive me of any offense.
Eventually, times changed; lives changed; priorities changed. Most of you know that I worked at a large church beginning in 2007.  I had certainly never felt a calling to work in ministry before stepping in to that particular church but my life had become a messy shadow of what it had once been. In short, I was seeking. I didn’t know it then but that’s what I was doing~ seeking relationship and seeking something I could depend on. I found myself working for an Executive Pastor. More importantly, I found glimpses of peace during the work week. Peace in the middle of personal chaos. When I looked around at the staff this church had assembled, there were people who had claimed victory over their own chaos and I was encouraged by their spiritual walk.
As I promoted and was receiving validation from my peers and Pastors, I truly felt at home. My relationship with Christ was blooming~ quickly~ and I began to trust in something like never before. It was a beautiful time…and then it simply wasn’t. Over the 4+ years I worked there, I saw the fallibility that plagues every church. People are people. They make mistakes. Maybe in my own newfound love for this experience, I convinced myself that this church was different. I don’t blame that church~ I don’t blame any church. My immature Christianity simply couldn’t get past the wrongs, the mistakes and the hypocrisy of a few amongst the many. In short, I made the decision to leave. The building couldn’t be where I’d continue to worship and it couldn’t be where I’d continue to be in professional ministry. I’ve mentioned on this blog how hard it was to leave…it remains so nearly 2 years later. But, I no longer belonged and since resigning, it’s been made clear to me that I never will again.

We didn’t think it would be hard to find another church home.

WRONG.

We meandered to no less than 5 churches in search of authenticity, the dwelling of the Holy Spirit, biblical teaching, meaningful praise and worship and a potential for relationships. NOT a small order! On this journey, we have now narrowed it down to 2 and we are committed to making 1 one of these churches our home church where we’ll be rooted and happily serve.

The point is this. The business of searching for a church home is very similar to recovering from a break-up and beginning the dating process. You’re scared, you’re more than a little wary, you’re hopeful and you’re trying to make a really informed decision because the thought of another break-up is enough to take your breath away.

That “gut” feeling is important but it’s prayer that will make the decision easy. Wherever we end up, there will be problems and mistakes and good intentions and all of that because people are people. I think that knowing that going in is what will sustain us through those issues. The church is made up of the people IN it and the church is bigger than even those people. For the last 20 months, we’ve floundered with a church home, maybe, but God has given us the brothers and sisters of Tres Dias and God has given me an amazing group of women that I walk through life with every Tuesday morning. THAT is church, too.

But it is time~ I feel like the infatuation of “dating” churches has grown stale and I’m ready to slip the ring on my finger. I promise to accept my new church with all their mistakes just as long as they accept all of mine. My eyes are open and my heart is receptive. The bad break up is finally behind me.

Blessings,
Amy