I was recently reminded by my mother that when I’d get an occasional blister on my tongue as a child (probably from eating something very hot before letting it cool), she would scold me and tell me the blister was a result of telling a little white lie. I’m not sure what her reasoning was for the white lie she told me with that piece of malarky, but I would truly sit and try to figure out what lie this blister had been spawned from. Oh, the shame of a blister to let the world know of my supposed white lie.
Of course, she was kidding and I didn’t get it or maybe it was her futile attempt to prompt me into admitting some untruth. Whatever her reasoning, I naturally repeated the same garbage to my kids….only my kids were smarter. They didn’t take the bait.
I always assumed a “white lie” was far less grievous than a regular lie~ I suppose because my blister never got me grounded and the other kind of lie got me grounded and a whole lot more. The problem with this assumption is that I grew up believing “white lies” weren’t that big of a deal…and maybe they’re not if they’re really just “white lies”. And what exactly IS a white lie?
| A harmless or trivial lie, esp. one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. |
| fib |
So it’s the “Do I look fat in these jeans?” answered with a “Not at all!”
It’s the “Don’t you just love my new purple highlights?” answered with an “Only on you, honey. It looks fantastic!”
Well.. the question is this. Do white lies hurt relationships? What about their big brother, “bold faced lie”? Does that hurt relationships?
Bold-faced lie: A bold-faced (or barefaced) lie is a lie that is told when it is obvious to all concerned that it is a lie. For example, the child has chocolate all over his face and denies that he has not eaten the last piece of chocolate cake that is a bold-faced liar. The adjective “bold-faced” indicates that no attempt has been made to hide the fact that it is a lie.
So, it’s SO bold that it’s defense lies in that the person who told it didn’t even try to hide it. Nice.
We’ve all had unfortunate dealings with someone we love who has some problems with the unadulterated, factual truth. They “omit” (just another form of lieing), or they mislead (yep, still a form of lieing), or they exaggerate (still a lie and also seriously annoying). I’m insanely sensitive to lies. I despise them; loath them similar only to how I feel about cockroaches ~ both need to be exterminated from my world. But does my sensitivity cloud my judgment? Am I too sensitive about untruths? So I prayed. Then, I researched and this is what I found.
Little white lies in a marriage can blur the lines between respect, honesty, and valuing each other’s opinion’s, thoughts, and feelings. Where do these little white lies go when they become a way of life or grow up into much larger white lies? Obviously, while you’re not out to hurt your spouse’s feelings, lying can easily destroy the fragile balance of trust the two of you have. Lying can cause doubt, serious doubt, which can erode the structure of the relationship. If it gets bad enough, in fact, your relationship becomes little more than a guessing game, even during those very special heart to heart talks. (excerpt from www.professors.com)
This article happens to pertain to a marriage but surely there’s applicability to any close relationship. Those of us who have children where trust has been broken know all too well the heartbreak and the erosion to the relationship. Parents. Friends. Co-workers. Extended family. Spouse. We start doubting what they say…everything they say…and it can be taxing on our emotions.
I propose a NO WHITE LIE DAY. Just to be clear, that means all forms of lieing are disallowed. If the jeans make her look fat, suggest the dress you know she looks dazzling in. If the dinner wasn’t flavorful, tell her how much you love her prized dish. If he asks what’s wrong….tell him and not just answer “Nothing”. Come on, we’re all adults here. Can’t we just try the no lie rule?
Be blessed…..and be truthful at all times.
Amy