My post from 2/5 was tough. Ridiculously tough….until then, my most difficult posts had been about my dad. The 2/5/16 post was far harder than the post about losing a parent to cancer. Losing a 76 year old parent to cancer, though premature and difficult, is losing someone who doesn’t necessarily want to leave. They may be at peace with dying but they aren’t choosing to leave their spouse, their children, their friends and the life they’ve known behind. They don’t want to leave behind grief and disbelief. They’d give anything to spare loved ones any pain. Dying isn’t a selfish act. When people are living with a terminal illness, they grasp the beauty of every single blessing God has provided for them and they place a value on it that maybe they never had. I saw my dad do this firsthand. He mourned every regret and replayed every beautiful memory of his life in his head during those 10 weeks following his diagnosis~ it was in his eyes and in his voice… this silent appeal to the heavens for a little more time to slow dance with my mom in the kitchen or sing in the morning or play golf with his grandson or travel thousands of miles to see his granddaughter play in a softball tournament or breathe in mountain air while relaxing in a rocking chair overlooking The Great Smokies. That man would have given every belonging he possessed to have a little more time to get it right, make it right and live it right.
Funny how we think that day when we will leave this earth is in the far away future. Funny how we think we’re screwing it up now but we have time to make amends later. Funny how people forget the beauty of the small things and lose their gratitude and joy. Funny how people chase after what wasn’t given to them and leave the bounty of blessings they were given.
….Actually, never mind. There’s nothing funny about it at all. It’s just tragic. It’s a train wreck with mass casualties.
I’m learning that not everyone operates from the same mindset as I do. I truly do try to spare pain from those I love (that’s called sacrifice) and I truly do operate from a place of “all things are possible with God” mentality (that’s called faith). I’m not going to change the way I love because of someone else’s mindset~ I intend to remain the fiercely committed, heart-on-my-sleeve, flawed-but-trying girl I’ve always been BUT these life lessons I’m learning in this accelerated life course are so precious to me and so I feel inclined to share them with you… you know, so we can apply it now and not live with regret later.
Not everyone loves as we love.
Not everyone is willing, teachable, obedient, honoring and committed to integrity.
There is a fine line between loving someone through bad choices and allowing those bad choices to affect our health and wellbeing.
There is nothing more important than self respect and good character.
Lies, secrets, sin, hypocrisy, and narcissism will pull even the brightest and best intentioned person to spiritual and emotional death. Don’t hold their hand and let them take you along for the ride.
God won’t be mocked. You will reap what you sow.
Matthew 7:6. Don’t know that scripture? Oh, please look it up!
Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Answer: Nope.
First pride, then the crash—
the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. (Proverbs 16:18)
I promised to tell you about my quick trip to Austin. Awesome. We had amazing food, I was the oldest chick hanging out with a bunch of 20 somethings until 2:30am on a Friday night, Home Depot and grocery store runs with Nick and Danielle are awesome because they’re there, food trucks in Austin trump anything Tampa has to offer (sorry, but true) and Austin isn’t weird~ it’s friendly. There’s a difference. I can’t wait to spend time with them again!
My daughter is just starting to show a rounded belly ~ June 1st is around the corner! I had lunch with Devon and Dan on Valentine’s Day and barely a bump and then, today, a big progression. A noticeable bump! She’s looking the part of glowing mommy-to-be and baby Killian is kicking and thriving~ I can’t wait to meet this little kiddo.
The people who have entered my life in the last couple of weeks are not to be believed~ “I am blessed” sounds so Christianese but I’m here to tell you…. for real…. God is good to His sons and daughters.
See you tomorrow.
