I’m enjoying this wonderful, self-imposed break from working outside of the home. It’s a blessing and one that I am keenly aware will probably not last forever. In fact, I don’t want it to last forever. I’m beginning to feel a little antsy and even met with someone yesterday to discuss an opportunity that may develop down the road. If God opens a door, like flings it wide open, I’ll probably put away the jeans and try to find those black Express slacks that have migrated to the back of the closet.
Until such time, I’ve discovered that staying home can result in a lot of seemingly idle time. Not that I necessarily notice it or even care but when my husband asks the dreaded “So, what is on your schedule today?” and you have nothing particular outside of feeding a dog and watering a plant, there is a brief (ever so brief!) moment to ponder. What in the heck AM I doing today? My daughter and I thought about getting some sun yesterday and then, for some reason, didn’t. What were we too busy doing? No idea.
The hours sweetly pass by and the days of the week become less important. No longer do I live for Friday~ now, my days are important only because I have trash and recycling to lug to the curb twice a week. But here is the discovery…the golden nugget….I find more importance and validation in doing the small things for my family versus garnering validation from my supervisors who often knew little of my tasks and responsibilities anyway. I rarely rush anymore. My dogs lazily lounge around all day instead of being quarantined to the bathroom during my absence. We eat out less. I do less laundry. I read more. I’ve come to some very solid conclusions about what my future is going to look like instead of waking up and finding I’m already in the future, time lost in the shuffle of emails and the office commute. My time spent isn’t idle at all ~ maybe it used to be.
I had lost me. I had become what everyone around me expected me to be.
And now, thankfully and prayerfully, I am finding me again. I AM still the woman who likes to work and contribute but now I am the woman who will never again seek validation from anyone else. My validation and my worth come from a far more important source than friends, co-workers, or even my family.
And I can rest in that. There is peace in re-discovering yourself and evaluating what changes should be made, even though it is often a difficult journey. An inventory, carefully examined and evaluated…and then, like a garage sale on Saturday morning, taken to the curb or placed in the “keep” pile. But you have time for this…make time…it’s THAT important.
Be blessed,
Amy
Beautiful. Again.