I read something today that I have probably read, in some form or another, a dozen times before. The difference is that today, as never before, it resonated. It was written by an alcoholic about the shame he carried prior to becoming sober. In fact, there was probably shame he carried after becoming sober but before becoming real.
“Shame is like a dark scary basement and when you turn the lights on it’s not scary anymore. When I am open and totally honest with people about who I was when I drank, that part of my life can’t hurt me anymore. Now there are no secrets. Nothing to hide (or worry about someone else bringing up). Because I’ve already put it out there for all to see.”
Shame affects all of us. I know this all too well~ the hidden secrets that I’ve carried at different stages of my life. In fact, I remember carrying shame before I had anything to be truly shameful of! I find this acknowledgement of what shame does to us~ that it’s scary and threatening~ to be so empowering. Once we know the power our secret wields, surely we can strip it of that power and live a life released from its negative stronghold?
I have a friend who will share her testimony about addiction with anyone who can benefit from her story. She is hugely unselfish and one of the most compassion filled women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. She long ago put her comfort and pride aside to share painful, shameful moments from her past just to give God the glory in her redemption and to ease the shame that others carry in similar situations. Her story is like a flashlight beam in the corner of a very dark space and once she has finished sharing her experience, the space can’t be darkened again. It is forever illuminated and the listener can feel more empowered to put his/her story in the light for others to see, as well.
It’s not easy. It wasn’t easy when I learned of an abortion recovery bible study for women a few years ago. At first, I pretended (may have even verbally lied) that although abortion had not touched my life personally, I had a heart to lead one of these groups. Do you see the shame that was still mine to bear nearly 30 years later? My story was still shrouded in secrecy and guilt at the time and it wasn’t until much later that I could speak of it, let alone put the high beam directly on the experience.
And there are other things. Things I’d prefer people not know about me and about my monumental lapses at being who God created me to be. I think the really valuable thing is that we at least shine the light on those things in our own heads. Maybe everything isn’t to share with others but dark corners that we refuse to examine privately can stunt our growth. I worry and so I shove those things back into the dark and undiscovered shadows. When I do this~ when you do this~ we lose our empowerment to take control, take ownership and give ourselves freedom to move forward without fear and shame. We strip ourselves of what we need the most.
So what about the things we did yesterday or this morning even? I believe that because I am a child of God, I shouldn’t live in fear or shame anymore. I believe Romans 8:1 that says
So those who are believers in Christ Jesus can no longer be condemned.
I believe that I am not defined by a moment from two minutes ago or that failing in 1979 or what I will fail at tomorrow. I apologize to whomever I have offended or hurt and I lay down the rock of shame. I get up and try again. I try to remove the secrets so there’s nothing to hide. Nothing to hide because I’ve already put it out there for ME to see.
Blessings,
Amy
Preach it, sister!
It’s a powerful tool of the enemy. The lie is that we need to keep it under wraps. But there is grows in power. In the light, what seemed like a dragon is revealed as a lizard. The enemy knows this.