Oh, this grief thing. I’m pretty new to it and the process seems foreign to me.
In the week following my dad’s passing, I felt a myriad of emotions ranging from relief (so thankful that his struggle was short because he was so angry at being robbed of his physical strength and cognitive thinking skills) to extreme sadness (here’s a piece of advice for anyone new to this unsavory club called grief- do not listen to a saved voicemail just to hear their voice until you’re absolutely sure you can handle it) to anger (my dad didn’t deserve to die this way) to that beautiful place of peace that surpasses all understanding.
Those emotions happened in clusters during any given 10 minute span of time~ a virtual roller coaster of nausea and exhaustion.
I know there are expected stages of grief and I’ve been told this is entirely “normal”…. such a funny word in this space and time of my life when nothing feels normal. Food doesn’t even taste the same. 
A pastor, my Tres Dias friend Randy Evans, mentioned in a Facebook post that grief is 1. Normal 2. Necessary and 3. Temporary. Those words really resonated with me somehow and gave me great hope that I’m not always going to feel like I’ve been swallowed into a black hole. At some point, I’m simply going to miss my father’s physical presence while taking solace in 50 years of memories with him. I was blessed with a great amount of time that many others have not.
So here I am…10 days into this process. Things are going okay.
YOU have helped. Those of you who have prayed, texted, called, posted or even sent me little gifts in remembrance. Don’t think for a second that you didn’t make a difference~ those things were like a life preserver thrown to a person drowning and I thank you. Sincerely.
Tomorrow, I’ll fly back to my mom’s and help her out with some legalities and logistics. This is the stark reality of death; life goes on for the rest of us. So, if you think you can spare a few more prayers this week, I really would appreciate it.
Be blessed,
Amy
Always prayers for you Amy. Grief is a crazy state to be in and you are right, it changes moment to moment it. It still does with me. I know your Mom needs you now, but who is there for you, when you need support when you are many states and miles away from your husband and children? I am about 1 hour away from your Mom’s so if you need support or if you need me to do something too painful for you, please let me know. I do pray for you every night. I know it is not easy. I still miss my parents and they have been gone for over 10 years. I find myself resenting others that still have their parents and treat them so poorly. Why couldn’t I keep mine. I loved them and dreaded the day they would die and leave me. They had me in their 40’s, so it was something I always worried about. Hang in there kido. You don’t have to be strong….that is what we are for. To get you through the rough times. Much love to you as always, Kathy
Thank you, sweet Kathy. I have an amazing group of people supporting me; from family to friends (and you’re among them, of course!) I appreciate your offer to help SO much.
Love you Amy. Do all the things your Daddy would want you to do. I have a feeling he was a strong man and he probably wouldn’t want you to grieve long. Stay strong and I’m praying for you.
You’re right, GiGi. He was a realist and knew that life went on…but he also knew I was a big puddle of emotion where he was concerned. 🙂 In all honesty, that peace I referred to is becoming more and more prevalent. I’m so thankful for that. Thank you for your prayers.